LUCY! LOOK WHAT I FOUND! http://www.xanga.com/kittytestss Anyway. Speech day yesterday. Well, yesterday was generally a pretty crap day. Picnic was alright. I ate loads of cherry tomatoes. We had these mini bottles of wine and champagne and were drinking out of them with straws. I only had a couple of sips though. So. Was meant to go to cinema with Vicky and Laura. But I got home and rang my grandma and we had a huge argument. Keep in mind me and my grandma both have very, very fiery, opinionated personalities when we want, so when we argue (which is rare but it happens) it's an absolute nightmare and involves alot of shouting at each other in Greek. It's a long story about our argument. Can't be arsed to type it. Anyway. So I hung up and was hysterically crying and actually feeling suicidal. I mean it. Ugh, I'm such a drama queen. I phoned my mum and she said Vicky and Laura and Charlie could just go to the cinema so I went to bed and just like, cried. Then my grandma phoned back because she felt guilty. And we made up. And spoke about loads of happy things. And she kept saying how much she loves me and misses me and can't wait for me to come in the summer so we can have a good time. I love her so much. And my grandad. I'm so close to them. Basically, something really struck me yesterday. I don't fit in here. I really don't. I've always had that sort of feeling. I mean, I love you lot. You are the only people that keep me sane. But my family here are so different to me. Just people in general. Just . . .argh! Just EVERYTHING! My mum has just turned nasty lately. She keeps acting so bitchy with me. It's not like she's my mother, like she's my older sister but not in a good way. We've always been like that. My stepdad says she's starting to see me as "competition" now I'm getting older. She used to always openly admire me. Now she's the only one in the family that doesn't. She seems to turn her nose up at everything I do, just everything about me. She's just not nice. No matter how hard I try with her. And we couldn't be more different. I hate living in Stamford. I hate being surrounded by all those typical toffy-private-school-types. I fucking hate school. From the minute I get there I count down until the end of the day, and it's that vicious cycle six days a week. I can't sleep. I keep getting the worst nightmares. Last night something so freaky happened. I woke up at midnight, and when I put my head down on the pillow I heard a girl's scream. A full. On. Scream. Sounded like it came from under my pillow. It wasn't in my head, trust me. It scared the shit out of me. 
I miss everyone in Greece so badly. I fit in with the groups there alot more. Even with the odd language barrier. My friends are like . . . well. Like me. We have a crazily good time together. And the age group is from like my age up to 25. Girls and boys. And obviously we've all known each other for the past 10 years or so, growing up together. I go there in the summer and it's like I never left. I hate England. My mum has desperatley tried to fit in with English culture since she was little. She told me. Of course I love her to bits. But we have nothing in common. I've been brought up by my grandma and grandad and have always been proud of my culture, so I've just become like them. They say they're proud of me, speaking the languages and all of that. Whereas my mum can be so . . . pretentious. Fake. She doesn't even like people knowing I've grown up in state schools. But I happily tell them. I don't give a shit. I'm not a snob and I never fucking will be. They still don't know about how I desperatley want to model. I don't actually care what my mum thinks. My grandparents aren't like her at all, even if they are her parents. So all though they wouldn't approve of lad's mags, I can't ever imagining them turning their backs on me if I'm in them. I know my dad never will do. There's no point in me telling them until I go get my boobs done anyway. Once I'm 16 and living in Greece, it's all down to me. It'll be like a new life. I'll start working as soon as possible to get the money. As long as I have support from friends/boyfriends/whatever, then I'm fine. I bet I'll find at least one person who will want to go to Athens for work or to study or whatever. We could easily go together for a bit once we're 18. I can't wait. And I mean, I feel like that literally sometimes  | 
